MIA, but Not Catching Flights!
"Flo, we haven't heard from you, are you still in business?"
"Girl, where you been- you've been MIA!"
Or my all-time favorite: "How have you been? It's been a while..."
Can I be real for a second? Time has been passing by and it has not taken me with it. I have been in a somber space where, for the last 3 months, I've had to re-learn what Self-Care actually means to and for ME. I've been in a funk or two, and the idea of creating has been daunting. Think "Imposter Syndrome" and "Unresolved Depression" multiplied by "Triggered Anxiety" and "Overwhelming Burn-Out". You probably heard that and said "Whew, Chile", and I'm here to tell you "Whew, Chile" = my sentiments exactly.
You see, during these past few months, I have experienced failure in my relationship where unresolved conflict can easily lead to toxicity fairly quickly. I've declined countless outings and weekends with the girls due to my own anxiety and fear of being annoyed and, honestly, bothered by people doing what they do best- disappoint. And I've avoided reaching out to many old friends because I've truly been afraid of being vulnerable and answering the daunting "How are you?" question. Because think about it- nowadays people ask "How are you?" as a way of saying hello, but are you really ready for when people answer it honestly and tell you that they are not okay? Or have we been so caught up and desensitized to the fact that the people closest to you, experience the most pain, drama, and grief, and you have no idea.... that is, until you ask and are ready to receive the honest to God truth.
So how am I? Honestly, I've been better and I've also been worse. I can feel a transition is brewing, however, I am not sure which direction the wind will blow me in. I'm burned out with my career, I have a fear of succeeding in my business so I found myself pausing, because as a Creative, I have so many ideas and I know how to implement them, but I've somehow taught myself to believe that the tasks that I am responsible for and the goals that I am supposed to achieve are really big and overwhelming, causing me to believe that there is too much on my plate- so I stopped. I stopped creating, I stopped moving- forwards and backwards, and I stopped planning. Planning made me feel like I was walking on a treadmill or walking around a track instead of making actual progress.
While I am re-learning what Self-Care looks like in 2023 for me, I'm also learning what my heart really desires: An authentic platform to share my REAL story. I work with students and someone asked me if they could share a story about a time that I had to help them with a situation, and I had to remind them, "Never ask someone for permission to tell your story when it's yours to tell". I had to remind them that I was only a supporting character in their story, I was not the protagonist.
For the longest, almost 3 years, I've been censoring myself when it came to sharing my story because my goal is to never offend or "out" people, however, I'm learning that if it is my story to tell, why am I asking them for permission?
After learning this discovery about a week ago, I have been thinking about the idea and it's almost been nonstop. You know you've found your purpose when you get knots in your stomach but you cannot seem to push the idea out of your mind. I'm not going to lie, I found a sense of peace... kinda! You see, there are still a lot of moving parts to me sharing my story-
- How much do I share?
- Am I going to be raw, uncut and unfiltered?
- What happens when/if people get offended?
- Am I only going to give people bits and pieces like a puzzle?
- What platform do I want to use?, etc.
And so on, and so on... The list continues, trust me!
However, the idea of being vulnerable and sharing pieces of me will help people to understand who I really am. It will also give people a way to connect and understand that some of our journeys are very similar. The purpose of me starting Glow With Flo was for you all to understand the importance of Self-Care and taking care of the only body that we have. The purpose of this newfound platform will help people understand the severity of Mental Health and it will show people how common it really is. And it will hopefully show you all signs and what to pay attention to when it comes to your own family and friends. This platform that I am sharing is a new form of my Self-Caren routine. Holding onto the past can lead to many illness, triggers and unwanted emotions, and I am choosing to share for my own healing.
Girlllll! Amazing content. Hit me right in the gut. Thought it was just me going thru land minds with no compass for no apparent reason. Surprisingly, at any age or stage in life, many struggle in silence and ultimately give up. Taking the time you need to combat and conquer is admirable, and warrants a clear mindset. You’ve touched on many of my points of view,and whew chile, this provides relief, clarity and the ‘go head tho’ I needed to hear. As I’ve always stated, you are so wise for a young woman and I 🙏🏿 this season is going to bear great fruit. 🥰❤